How NBA stars might use free time

I hope you're enjoying the NBA lockout, everybody! With little progress being made towards a deal that will begin the season, players have to find a backup plan to occupy themselves. Here's a look at what some pros are doing, and what they should be doing.

The plan: Star New Jersey Nets point guard Deron Wiliams signed a contract with the Turkish basketball team Besiktas and is currently averaging 20 points and eight assists per game playing against competition that even Williams has probably never heard of.

My (better) suggestion: Williams should travel across Europe, looking for the tallest people, and force them to join him on the Nets so the team can finally get more than two rebounds per game.

The plan: Minnesota Timberwolves forward Kevin Love, last year's leading rebounder, participated in the Manhattan Beach Volleyball Open this summer. He and a partner lost easily to two Olympic hopefuls in straight sets.

My (better) suggestion: If Love wants to try another sport so badly, why doesn't he just play dodgeball? He can throw his outlet passes directly at the competition's knees and give them celebratory noogies. You know, because he's so much taller than everyone else.

The plan: Reigning Rookie of the Year and slam-dunk champion Blake Griffin is interning for the comedy website Funny or Die, writing and appearing in multiple videos. The Los Angeles Clipper is staying in Hollywood, where Funny or Die is located.

My (better) suggestion: Yes, Griffin is funny, but I'm pretty sure he could be saving the world with his magical jumping powers. Is there a cat stuck in a tree? Blake Griffin to the rescue! Did Clippers' owner Donald Sterling take children's Halloween candy and hide it in a tree just because he can? Blake Griffin to the rescue!

The plan: Los Angeles Lakers forward Luke Walton was hired to be an assistant coach for the University of Memphis basketball team. Once the NBA lockout ends, Walton is free to join the Lakers again, even if it is during the Tigers' season.

My (better) suggestion: Stay in Memphis. Not because Walton is necessarily a good coach, but because every time Walton sits at the end of the bench in a 30-point Lakers win, Adam Morrison sheds a single tear.

The plan: Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Baron Davis is taking classes at University of California, Los Angeles, the school which he attended through sophomore year before declaring for the NBA Draft 12 years ago.

My (better) suggestion: Judging by Davis' extra weight and lack of conditioning, it would seem reasonable for me to write that he should be working out extra hard while he has the time and few distractions. However, I think he should go in the opposite direction and enter competitive eating competitions throughout the country. Is there a pizza challenge in a fourth grade class in Iowa? You better watch out kids, Davis is showing up, and he likes his pizza.

The plan: Troubled Boston Celtics guard Delonte West announced via Twitter that he is now working for Regency Furniture, located in the Washington D.C. area.

My (better) suggestion: Since West pled guilty to multiple weapons charges last year, it's probably not the best idea for him to be near the nation's capital. Perhaps West could serve as a role model for the impressionable youth of today: They can learn that whatever West does, it is advisable to do the exact opposite.

The plan: The famous (or is it infamous?) Ron Artest has been extremely busy during his NBA downtime, changing his name to Metta World Peace, participating in Dancing with the Stars and even spending time with singer Celene Dion in Las Vegas.

My (better) suggestion: What do you think I am, some sort of career genius? I can't possibly top Peace's brilliance. Maybe Vassar could hire him to work in its Career Development Office.